Start again often

Change is uncomfortable.  It means admitting that something was wrong.  It is especially uncomfortable when the thing that you are trying to change is the way that you think about life, and the words and actions that flow from those thoughts.  Christians (myself included) often like to use a metaphor about putting on new clothes (Zech 3:4; Eph 4:24). Obviously putting on new clothes means taking off the old clothes, but the thing that we don’t consider is that this process leaves you naked for a moment.  

I should rephrase:

Change is uncomfortable when people are watching.

That moment in between the old garment and the new garment is really weird, and that’s why people slide back into the old way of doing things – the new clothes were never really worn in like the old ones.

I have recently found myself in such a predicament (hence this revelation post).

I have had some forced changes in my life in the past few years, and some voluntary ones – a real mix and match of clothing that ended up looking almost cringe-worthy.  A metaphorical wardrobe crisis. My whole perception of life needed to change, but I didn’t know how to change it – I was really stuck.

What does a girl do in a wardrobe crisis?  You ask a good girl friend. So I asked a good friend the “does my but look fat in this” type of question about my stuckness – and she gave me a straight and honest answer.  I asked, so I could not really be offended.  Plus, she was right.  I took a good hard look in the mirror that day, and realized that what I was wearing was not my style or size.  I needed to make some changes.  It was uncomfortable, and it was hard and people were watching.

My coping mechanism for this, is to go to the extreme – change my hairstyle, change my habits, change my food. I changed the things that I read and the conversations that I have. And I change my blog. I also changed my heart and thoughts about a few things and people (this was the less-easy part).

Here’s the revelation that changed the root of the problem that I had:
Unforgiveness is sin, and sin is rebellion, and rebellion is witchcraft.
*cue big eyes, shocked face, try to hide*

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

I realized that I have a choice to start a new chapter, and just because the previous chapter sucked, does not mean that the same characters can’t stay in the story while the story ends well.  I realized that God has a future and hope for me, regardless of what anyone did to me.  I realized that God is a fair judge, and that we will all stand before Him one day and give an account for what we did. I realized that I can be free from bitterness because of things that happened in the past. This all probably sounds really simple, but I was really stuck and I really could not see it.

Now, in the process of change, I often find myself slipping back into the old ways of thinking.  (Heads up – incoming cheese).  It doesn’t matter how many times I fall down. What counts is how many times I get up again.

Now when people comment on my hair, I just smile and and say thank you.  The glory goes to God. My hairstyle is really just the tip of the tip of the iceberg of change that happened within me.  Salvation is what happened to me.

Start again, often.

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